In Your Name I Find Meaning
by sweetsilverlining
Summary: Haley is met with a crippling depression after the loss of her mother, but if one thing has remained the same, it's the security she feels wrapped in Nathan's arms.


**A/N - This is a mushy and angsty one-shot set in season seven during Haley's depression from the loss of her mother. I love One Tree Hill and if I'm being honest I just recently started watching it several months ago so I'm currently only on the sixth season. Whoever invented the internet clearly wanted me to spoil it for myself. However, I know enough to write this story. **I'm **not sure if Nathan is still in the NBA at this point, but we're just going to say he is. **

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><p>Haley James Scott drew in a deep breath as she stared at her reflection in the mirror. She combed a brush through her hair and looked at the way the black dress hugged her sides before the material fell loosely around her knees. She tried to understand the person looking back at her, but her insides were numb. Her heart ached with a void that could only be treated with one person: Nathan. She hated the nights he had to work late and since Jamie was staying with his 'Aunt' Brooke tonight, she was left alone with her thoughts.<p>

She wanted to be stronger than this. She wanted to be _happy _again, but right now, she couldn't even remember what happiness felt like.

After casting one more glance at her reflection, she wandered over to her and Nathan's bed and ran her hand over the bedspread before letting herself sink down against the mattress. On her nightstand sat a bottle of wine and two glasses, one empty and one filled halfway with red wine. She picked her glass up and sipped on the liquid before setting it back down. She was not and had never been an avid drinker, but she found that the wine was relaxing.

When she heard the click of the front door in the distance, she could feel the emptiness slowly fade away because she knew that meant Nathan was walking in right now. She couldn't remember the last time as of late that they'd had a night minus sadness, and though she couldn't promise that tonight, Haley was determined not to shove him away. It was the last thing she wanted to do. She hadn't seem him since this morning, and she'd spent an entire day consisting of staying in bed and watching sappy television in a feeble attempt at taking her mind of the fact that she was alone.

She leaned over and flickered the lamp on, resting her head back against the pillow and turning to say softly, "Nathan?"

"Yeah, I'm in here, Hales," she heard him say. A shadow appeared in the doorway before her husband walked inside, shirtless and in basketball shorts, and locked eyes with her. "Hey," he murmured, his voice filled with a trace of surprise as he dropped his gaze, his eyes sweeping down the length of her body and taking in the curve of her breasts. She could feel a familiar heat stir in the pit of her stomach as his gaze lit her on fire. Even now, she couldn't help the effect that he'd always had on her, the amazing way he looked at her sometimes.

She sat up and pushed a strand of hair behind her ear, a soft smile gracing her features. "Hey," she murmured back, scooting over to allow him to join her on his side of the bed. "Come here."

Looking at her one more time, he smiled and walked over, picking up the empty glass and filling it with wine. "How was your day?" she asked.

"Pretty good. I'm tired off my ass, though. It's good to be home." He took a swig from the wine before setting it down beside her glass and settling into bed, turning to face her. Since her mom died, he'd been so gentle with her, almost cautious. She hated the way she shut him out sometimes, she way she shut out everyone, but with Nathan she could forget about it all. The only thing she wanted was to be in his arms, for him to hold her and make her feel safe the way he always had.

Smiling at her, he said, "Going somewhere tonight?"

She hummed in confusion. "What?"

"You just look really sexy."

She blushed. "I'm not going anywhere," she said softly after a while. She sighed, reaching out for his hand and taking it in hers. "I'm staying right here."

He smirked and nodded softly before adding, "But you always look sexy, you know."

She felt her cheeks heating up again, looking up at him through half-lidded eyes. "I just... I want to look sexy for you. I know things have been hard on you lately."

"Things have been hard for all of us," he nodded, shifting closer to her. Closing her eyes, she sighed and allowed him to slip his arm around her. She moved closer and rested her head against his bare chest, her body relaxing next to his as his fingers combed through her hair. "Do you love me?" he asked, his voice low and soft and his fingertips brushing against her scalp.

She tilted her head up on his chest so she was looking into his eyes, a flash of confusion darting across her expression. "Of course I do," she whispered, sliding her hand up his chest and running it through his hair. "I love you, Nathan."

She let his hair run through the spaces between her fingers before she ran her hand down his chest and rested it against his waist. She lifted her body slightly and her lips met his as he leaned down and kissed her softly. Her body was burning when he deepened the kiss, and she let out a breathy moan. "I'm sorry," she whispered against his lips before pulling away, tears welling up in her eyes. "I know this isn't fair for you, and it's not fair for Jamie. I just can't help it, Nathan. I'm trying. Believe me, I'm really trying."

"I know you are."

"You have to know how much I love you," she said, her hands gripping his waist as she leaned up once more and pecked his lips before he pulled her in for another deep kiss.

"I love you, baby. I just want you to be okay again," he murmured. "Damn, I miss you." She pulled back, and he watched her as she pulled herself from his protective hold and lay beside him. He met her eyes and once he verified what she was doing, he climbed on top of her and her arms slid around his neck.

"It's all so uncertain," she breathed out, looking into his eyes as her hand went to his face. "Do you remember when you said that to me?"

He nodded. "Yeah."

"God, I don't want to lose you too, Nathan," she said, finishing with a whisper as she felt the tears threatening to escape.

"You won't." Settling closer to her, he kissed her reassuringly. "You won't, Haley. I'm right here. Right here beside you. It's the only place I'd ever want to be."

Letting out a slow breath, she ran her hand over his chest before capturing her lips with his again, leaning up so he could reach behind her back for the zipper on her dress and push it down. He reached over and turned the lamp off before lacing their fingers together, covering her body with his.

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><p>Sometime in the middle of the night when just the sound of their breathing filled the air, she lay her head against his chest, their naked bodies tangled together. She knew he wasn't asleep, just like he knew she wasn't.<p>

He was her forever.

Her _always. _The one certain thing.


End file.
